June 18, 2008
Like a saint, I love you...
I've got more scars now. It's pride I feel, a savage primitive joy at knowing it was I who altered my image forever, that it was I who chose these marks carved into my flesh. I catch myself looking at them in the mirror every time I pass one by. There's a stark sense of reality in a scar, a moment that can't be forgotten drawn in a line on your body.
But what am I trying to remember? What message communicates itself so cold and clean every time I touch my shoulders with my fingertips? Perhaps it's a need to create that drives me. I've been so sound asleep for so long, drifting through my days like ironwood on ocean waters. Creativity of any sort is a ray of light piercing the fog, the scars are something I can look on with pride, in much the same way I look on my written work.
The presence pf mind in my life has sparked a conflict within me. A crisis of faith, if you will. Except I don't think you can call it that, because I've never really had faith, not in that shiny happy way that my sister does. Not like anyone does, really. The process of belief to me too much resembles the place where thinking stops altogether. I can't accept that, so I can't call it belief. I've got a lot of good ideas, ones that most people don't have simply because they can't be bothered. People it seems choose certain paths so they don't have to think. But lately I've been thinking like an atheist which bothers me intensely. Atheists don't believe that God exists because they have no idea what God is. Truthfully, neither do I. But that's kind of the point. Look, it's like this. Divinity begins where human understanding ends. When we can't explain it, we go to God. That's why the first ideas of god were always associated with the sun, the moon, and the stars. With the earth itself. With the animals, and the elements. God is a placeholder, and empty buzzword we use to wrap up our grand estimation of all of existence.
When they say god moves in mysterious ways, is that like a polite way of telling someone they're too dumb to understand physics?
Worship is a heavier word for love. What do I love about this world? Basically everything, really. well, no. There are terrible things about this world, but they work like the rough that hides the diamond. It all has a purpose, at least to me. People ask about the purpose of existence and everything in it, but they can never be satisfied with their own answers. I think the answer to the meaning of life has so much more significance when it's you who came up with it. I mean, why sit around waiting for somebody else to hand you the solution on a plate? That kind of victory always feels so hollow, you know? Cheat codes take the fun out of videogames, they take the meaning out of life, I would think.
I've got more scars now. It's pride I feel, a savage primitive joy at knowing it was I who altered my image forever, that it was I who chose these marks carved into my flesh. I catch myself looking at them in the mirror every time I pass one by. There's a stark sense of reality in a scar, a moment that can't be forgotten drawn in a line on your body.
But what am I trying to remember? What message communicates itself so cold and clean every time I touch my shoulders with my fingertips? Perhaps it's a need to create that drives me. I've been so sound asleep for so long, drifting through my days like ironwood on ocean waters. Creativity of any sort is a ray of light piercing the fog, the scars are something I can look on with pride, in much the same way I look on my written work.
The presence pf mind in my life has sparked a conflict within me. A crisis of faith, if you will. Except I don't think you can call it that, because I've never really had faith, not in that shiny happy way that my sister does. Not like anyone does, really. The process of belief to me too much resembles the place where thinking stops altogether. I can't accept that, so I can't call it belief. I've got a lot of good ideas, ones that most people don't have simply because they can't be bothered. People it seems choose certain paths so they don't have to think. But lately I've been thinking like an atheist which bothers me intensely. Atheists don't believe that God exists because they have no idea what God is. Truthfully, neither do I. But that's kind of the point. Look, it's like this. Divinity begins where human understanding ends. When we can't explain it, we go to God. That's why the first ideas of god were always associated with the sun, the moon, and the stars. With the earth itself. With the animals, and the elements. God is a placeholder, and empty buzzword we use to wrap up our grand estimation of all of existence.
When they say god moves in mysterious ways, is that like a polite way of telling someone they're too dumb to understand physics?
Worship is a heavier word for love. What do I love about this world? Basically everything, really. well, no. There are terrible things about this world, but they work like the rough that hides the diamond. It all has a purpose, at least to me. People ask about the purpose of existence and everything in it, but they can never be satisfied with their own answers. I think the answer to the meaning of life has so much more significance when it's you who came up with it. I mean, why sit around waiting for somebody else to hand you the solution on a plate? That kind of victory always feels so hollow, you know? Cheat codes take the fun out of videogames, they take the meaning out of life, I would think.
posted by Jimmy Crazypants and the Crackateers | 12:29 AM
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