I'm not here.

I feel like I've been asleep for such a long time now like I've been trapped in some ridiculous kind of coma some thing from which no one in recorded history has ever broken the rhythm of. I think I'm sick of this routine I've created for myself, I need to expand myself, to meet something in the way of new and interesting people, circulating between my roommates just isn't fun anymore but then whe nyou decide to go out and meet new people you have to deal with that sick sense of vulnerability that I can never really shake it's foolish to think that it's anything real, it's all in my head something I've made up and can only be held partially accountable for. You have no self-image right now, no definition of who you are that can be projected onto the rest of the populace for their own personal judgements, my image is blank, just some guy with his own little world to escape to. You've obviously gone quite insane, so why not communicate that in your appearance? either that or allow your personality to be the image, and don't let your appearance be a factor. But then where's the bait? The particular trinkets and charms that everybody adorns that attract a certain kind of person just the person you want to fuck and find out more about and maybe destroy just to maybe one day truly save yourself.

I've been trained and I don't like it.

I've just come to the conclusion of the shittiest weekend I've had in months, and I'm starting to believe that maybe fun should be reserved for the other five days of the week or something. On top of that, I'm spending money like a madman, and my fucking savings account is getting smaller by the fucking day. I have no idea where any of my friends are, and it's anybody's guess as to whether I'm going to be able to relax at all for the next five days.
I'm stone cold sober in other words. It's really not all that it's cracked up to be, as all my previously established emotional defenses have been stripped to the bones, leaving me weak as a newborn kitten. I hate the feeling of a weekend taken away. We're taught and trained that r and r is only feasible on two days of the fucking week. It's ridiculous. I've got hoards of relaxation time, I work a night job, for chrissakes. I have the most stress free job in the fucking city, no car, no mortgage, nothing to that effect. It's all easy and relaxed and based on my own schedule.
The idea that I have to limit my fun and enjoyment to two days a goddamn week is ridiculous. Really, it's all about the drugs I wanna do. There's a part of me all mopey and shit because I can't get my fuckin ecstasy evening like I want it. What a goddamn joke.
Relax.
Take a deep breath.
try to ignore that mysterious headache.
Just be cool. Help, or some form of it, is on the way.