and I have no patience for virtues

I think I'm losing it. And when I say it, I mean my ability to maintain control over a situation to a certain degree. And when I say losing it, its more like I'm pretty sure I just never had that ability in the first place.
And yeah, like always, its about a girl.
In the past, I've always been able to make a connection with a woman without saying a damn word, using mostly the language of energy and of the body. It's served me pretty well, and allowed me to get through all the usual barriers with a minimum of all that awkward conversation and such.
This time I don't have that luxury, I'm not in, nor will I be, in a situation where I can just mosey on in to that comfort zone with just a pass of my hand and the good vibes. No, here I'm going to have to actually talk, and talk about how I feel, and work my way through the standard barriers and borders more or less with words alone. It's feeling like really foreign territory, like I'm walking through a minefield with a blindfold and a cane.
I'm being forced into a situation where the way of the ibis will be the correct path. It bothers me a little, but it doesn't shock me in the least, and an understanding of the associated imagery and powerful symbolism that comes with such an idea will no doubt serve me well in this situation.
The words will come. The moment to use them will come as well. My instincts in this situation are indeed correct, but the time must be right for me to utilize my gift of gab, or else this strong desire to form those bonds with this girl will go unrealized.
I hate being patient. Every time her and I are together, I have to work to control my tongue, to keep beautiful yet brutal honesty from spilling out and widening her eyes in a depressingly permanent fashion.
The time will come, as thoth wills it, as the gods will it, the time will come as ordained by the will of the gods.
The time will come as Thoth wills it.